


this isn’t the good bye that i wanted (nomin)

by neotheworld



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blind Character, Friendship/Love, Goodbyes, M/M, Please dont kill me, a lot of grammatical errors omg, for the love of nomin, highschool, i really love nomin, im just emo, nomin, nomin and angst together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 08:19:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16404734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neotheworld/pseuds/neotheworld
Summary: jaemin and jeno has been together for a long time but the thing is, one of them is close to letting go.





	this isn’t the good bye that i wanted (nomin)

everyone’s afraid of being left out. there are people who are comfortable when they’re alone but at the back of their mind, they still want someone by their side. someone who not only listen but understand. 

 

but it’s never right to love someone just because you feel alone.

 

we really have no idea because we never look and we never know but sometimes there are people who never talk to us but they love us. there are people who choose to silently watch you and look out for you because they choose to silently love you.

 

everyone in this world deserve to be loved and i’m sure there’s atleast one person who feels that way to you.

 

“I’M NEVER COMING LATE EVER AGAIN!” na jaemin suddenly snapped back to reality. he’s having those deep thoughts again. glad, he’s not alone anymore. he asked his bestfriend lee donghyuck to meet him on a coffee shop that’s just near their school. “LOOK AT YOU, NA JAEMIN! YOU ALREADY HAD 4 CUPS OF COFFEE AND IT’S JUST 10AM!”

 

“well, god damn it, mom, it’s your fault for making me wait here for 2 hours! i was bored and the smell of coffee is tempting me!”

 

donghyuck only sighed and sat on the chair infront of jaemin. “so, what are we going to do? why did you ask me to come here? you need help, don’t you?”

 

“he’s getting weaker. meet him.” donghyuck who was really loud and energetic suddenly become silent after hearing jaemin’s answer. “well, i just thought that maybe you guys should visit him. he misses you all. you’re all so busy on your work. i can feel that sometimes he wanna see you guys. i also called the others to come today but they said they’re busy and might just come to the hospital.”

 

“do you think it’s really okay for us to show up? i’m just scared and i feel sorry that instead of putting his situation first, we were so busy at work.”

 

“no, donghyuck, he’d never be mad at you guys,” jaemin held donghyuck’s hand as an assurance. “infact, he’s so proud of you guys. he told me y’all are just a bunch of idiots during highschool and college but now you’re all successful on your jobs.”

 

“thank you, jaemin. really, thank you. we’re glad that he made the right choice of loving you. we’re glad we left our friend with someone who would never get tired of him. thank you.”

 

both of them smiled at each other. since time’s running fast, they both stood up and decided to come to the place where they’re headed to.

 

“jeno! you have a new visitor and he’s beside me! guess who?” 

 

jeno only looked at the ceiling and tried to guess this visitor jaemin is talking about. “is it my mom?”

 

“no, jeno,” hyuck is trying to hold his tears from falling. “it’s your best buddy.”

 

“donghyuck?” although jeno’s unable to see his bestfriend, his voice is filled with happiness. “is that really you?”

 

“oh, yes, it’s me!” hyuck excitedly walked towards his bestfriend’s bed who he haven’t seen for 2 years straight and gave him a hug.

 

jaemin smiled and left the two alone. once again, he’s drowning on his own thoughts thinking about their past memories.

 

when they were highschool studens, jeno and donghyuck always argue a lot but not the kind of serious one, most of the time it’s just both of them teasing each other.

 

fun times.

 

those were the times they’re a complete group.

 

it was the time where jeno can still sight the world.

 

3 years ago right after their graduation, jeno suddenly disappeared. jaemin who happens to be dating him for a year didn’t even heard any news from him. not until he visited jeno on his home and found out that the love of his life can no longer see him. jeno became blind.

 

jeno pushed him away countless times because he doesn’t want to burden jaemin. he loves him but it’s not right to let his boyfriend take care of him because for goodness sake, jaemin’s too precious. he’s his boyfriend not his care-taker.

 

but still, love always win and that’s why jaemin’s still here. jeno probably lost his eyesight but that did not stop jaemin from loving him and staying by his side.

 

why would you give up a person you love just because something happened to them?

 

it’s these kind of situation where our loved ones need us the most. it’s at this kind of situation where you have to truly show your feelings and love for that person.

 

it’s not right to give up just because one of you is struggling and it’s not right to push a person away from your life because you’re suffering.

 

when someone’s right there by your side, you have to appreciate them even if it makes you think that you’re a burden for them because if you push them away, they’re the one who’ll think they’re a burden.

 

don’t pass your sadness to someone who cares instead, comfort each other and be the reason why both of you are holding on and staying strong at life.

 

“nana hyung!!” jaemin turned his head to see the owner of the familiar voice he heard. the guy is walking towards his seat while waving his hands. “i missed you!”

 

“i missed you too, chenle.” jaemin smiled and pats the younger’s head. “and also you, jisungie.”

 

jisung nodded and gave jaemin a hug as well. followed by chenle and jisung is mark and renjun.

 

“everyone’s here.” jaemin whispered to himself. “finally.”

 

“hyuck is inside,” jaemin side eyed mark who looked nervous. the two used to be close but because of their busy adult life, they became distant to each other. hopefully this meeting will change that and bring them back together. “you guys ready to meet jeno?”

 

“yes!” they excitedly responded. jaemin smiled and opened the door of jeno’s room.

 

words are not needed.

 

they all went to their bestfriend and gave him a hug. a hug jeno has been waiting for 3 years. a reunion jeno has been wishing for 3 years.

 

all thanks to jaemin who never left his side.

 

they all talked about how their lives changed. they reminisce their past— how they all met, their sudden quarrels and how they make up and most importantly, they talked about how they treasure their friendship. 

 

it’s getting late so the squad decided to call it a night. before they left, they gave jeno one last hug.

 

“it’s sad he couldn’t see how mature you guys look right now.” jaemin walked them out of the hospital. “thank you for coming. i hope you guys visit again.”

 

“we will!”

 

jaemin came back to check on jeno who’s currently spacing out on his room.

 

“are you happy?”

 

“more than happy.” that simple answer from jeno is enough to know he appreciated what jaemin did for him.

 

the room was filled with silence until jeno finally asked a question jaemin never wanted to hear. jaemin know that someday jeno would ask about it... but he just feels that it’s not the right time to ask about it since jeno had a great day.

 

“jaemin, what if tomorrow... i’m gone?”

 

“you won’t, jeno. you’ll not be gone tomorrow. you’ll still live longer.”

 

“would you still be by my side on the next years that will come? being blind is such a burden to you, jaemin.” jeno’s tone lowered down. it’s sad. jaemin hates it when jeno’s voice starts to become lower than his normal voice. it’s the effect of jeno’s medicine. he feels sad out of sudden.

 

but it’s his first time asking that question.

 

“i told you, jeno. we are one together. when we became a couple i told you you’d be my life. you’re a part of me and i’m a part of you. i’m your eyes now. you’re not a broken piece because i’m still here to lend you some of my pieces. we are complete together. i won’t leave you and you should stop thinking that i will.”

 

honestly, jaemin’s never the cheesy type. hell, he couldn’t even write a poem about love before on their literature class. he sucks on using methapors and similes but with jeno, unexpected words just comes out from his mouth.

 

it may be just words but he’s willing to make jeno feel that it’s true. 4 years of being together is enough to prove that jaemin will stay by jeno’s side. he won’t give up. 

 

“even though i don’t see you i feel that you’re tired. sometimes i think you look at me with sadness and you just wanna give up.” jaemin sat on the chair beside jeno’s bed and squeezed his hands. “if you can’t handle taking care of me, it’s fine really, jaemin. i really do appreciate everything you said. i’d do the same for you. but the thing is, i don’t want you to be like this. staying with me and not being able to do your dreams. i heard you’re supposed to come to new york because of an art project but you refused to do so because of me.”

 

“jeno, listen,” jaemin held jeno’s hand tightly and caressed his cheeks. “it’s okay. if i’m meant to be an artist, i will become an artist. that’s just not the perfect time yet. i need to accomplish my other dream first— you. i need to be with you ‘til you get through this. your vision will be back. you’ll be able to see me and my artworks again. do you understand that, jeno? your eyesight will be back. you have to stay strong. please stay strong for me.”

 

“what if i can’t stay strong anymore... would you accept that?”

 

“whatever your decision in life is, i’d be willing to accept it. i’m not that selfish. but honestly, i really want you to stay strong. we’ve been here for 3 years and for that 3 years, you improved. sometimes you get visions, right? you told the doctor about it. you’re getting there, jeno. you’ll be okay.”

 

“you’re really stubborn, na jaemin.”

 

“because no one’s going to leave yet. i believe in you, jeno. i believe in us.”

 

this is the kind of moment where jeno just wish he could see jaemin’s face. it has been 4 years since he last saw the face of the boy he loves. 

 

they met around freshmen highschool days. jaemin’s popular on their school because he’s a responsible sc president while jeno’s just a normal kid who likes cats. one day, jeno comes late on their first class which made him have a record and come to detention.

 

that’s when he met jaemin who’s on duty to look after the students on detention.

 

“our memories, jaemin,” after a long silence, jeno finally starts talking again. “once i’m gone never forget our precious memories and please never wish to forget me. don’t think about wanting me out of your memories so you can get up and move on. i don’t want you to get hurt but i’m just afraid you’ll forget me. i don’t want that to happen, jaemin. i want you to move on from my death by accepting i’m gone.”

 

“jeno, please stop talking abo—“

 

“shh, let me finish,” jaemin stopped talking because he heard jeno’s voice cracking. he’s crying. “i want you to feel happy because we were together when i’m still healthy. be happy, jaemin because we were together before i got sick and blind. be happy because i lived a worthy life before i died because you’re there by my side.” tears are finally streaming down both jaemin and jeno’s face. jaemin‘s scared. he doesn’t want tomorrow to come yet. he knows what’s going to happen once he wakes up tomorrow. “that’s why i want you, jaemin to accept everything. to happily accept that i’m gone when that happens. most importantly, forgive the Lord for not giving me enough time and thank Him too because out of all the people in the world he chose me for you and He choose you for me.”

 

jaemin didn’t answer anymore. he leaned in to give jeno a kiss and of course, he responded quickly. 

 

this is the most memorable kiss they have ever done. 

 

because it’s their last.

 

“jaemin, wake up,” jaemin suddenly stood up. 

 

he fell asleep.

 

“hey, hey, chill!” mark tried to calm jaemin down. he probably knows what’s going on.

 

“n-no, why are you here, donghyuck? mark? where’s jeno?!”

 

“jaemin.... jeno... he was so happy with us yesterda—“

 

“no, no, no, he’s supposed to be in that bed!” jaemin points at the empty bed beside him. “did the nurse take him on a walk? did he drink his meds outside?!”

 

“jaemin—“

 

“or maybe h-he’s just with the old woman who have alzhemeir’s next door! t-they’re probably talking about her grandchildren. h-he’s still here, right? right?”

 

donghyuck and mark didn’t respond. jaemin starts to panic and sits down again.... until he find himself crying.

 

mark immediately comforted him and pulled him on a hug.

 

“we came her to visit again. we went early because we have work later. to our surprise, jeno’s awake when we get here and we talked a little... jeno also didn’t want to wake you up. h-he was awake earlier. me and donghyuck went to the convinience store to buy you some breakfast but when we came back t-the nurse and doctors are all inside this room.”

 

“w-what happened?”

 

“j-jeno... he..”

 

“he, what, mark?” jaemin’s not dumb. his conversation with jeno yesterday is enough to know what happened but he wants to confirm. part of him wants to believe that “it” didn’t happened.

 

that maybe jeno survived.

 

that maybe jeno hold on.

 

that maybe jeno stayed strong.

 

“jeno stopped breathing. they took him on the emergency room and last thing we know... he’s gone, jaemin.”

 

 

jeno, i knew it.

 

 

you won’t be staying long enough.

**Author's Note:**

> this isn’t enough to break your hearts. sorry for disappointing ㅠㅠ i really lack literary skills pls forgive me !!!


End file.
